There comes a moment, usually mid-meltdown while trying to find one matching sock or stepping on a rogue high heel, when you realize: It’s time.
Time to declutter. To purge. To finally admit that the jeans you’ve been saving since 2012 are not, in fact, making a comeback (and even if they did, you deserve better denim). To scrutinize the articles of clothing you bought on a whim and now say to yourself, "What was I thinking?".
Welcome to the ultimate Closet Cleanout Lala-palooza—a wild, messy, oddly cathartic journey of letting go, making space, and figuring out what to do with all that stuff.
Let's Get Real: What Are We Cleaning?
We’re talking:
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Closets (clothes, shoes, bags, old prom dresses—you name it)
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Cabinets and cupboards (hello, expired spices and 4,000 Tupperware lids)
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Storage sheds (do you really need broken Christmas lights from 2007?)
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Garages and attics (aka: the Bermuda Triangle of household items)
This isn’t just spring cleaning—it’s an emotional reset disguised as a cleanout.
Choose Your Cleanout Style: Methodical or Mayhem?
Option 1: The Methodical Boss Babe
You make a plan. You go room by room, zone by zone. You have labeled bins, a checklist, and a motivational podcast playing. You're calm. You're efficient. You're one Pinterest board away from being a lifestyle guru.
Option 2: The Chaos Goblin (aka: The Dump-and-Deal Queen)
You rip it all out. Everything goes on the floor. You stare at the mess for 30 minutes while questioning your life choices—and then you power through like a decluttering tornado in leggings.
Which one is better?
Whichever one you’ll actually do. The goal is progress, not perfection.
The Golden Rule: Everything Must Be Judged
Create four piles/boxes/regions of doom:
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Keep
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Sell
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Donate
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Trash
And here's how to decide what goes where...
What to Keep (But Only If…)
Ask yourself:
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Do I use this?
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Do I love this?
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Would I buy this again today?
If the answer to two or more is no, it’s time to say goodbye.
Keep things that:
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Fit now (not in your fantasy goal size)
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Work now (no cracked electronics or "just needs a new charger" nonsense)
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Bring you joy or serve a purpose (both = jackpot)
What to Sell
Cha-ching, honey. Let your junk become someone else’s treasure—and your side hustle.
Sellable items include:
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Gently worn brand-name clothing/shoes (think: Coach, Nike, Free People)
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Home decor that’s still trendy or in good shape
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Furniture you just don’t have space for
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Electronics, tools, collectibles, small appliances
Where to sell:
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Facebook Marketplace (local and easy)
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Poshmark / Mercari / eBay (great for fashion)
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OfferUp / Craigslist (old-school but still alive)
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Garage sale (especially if you have lots)
Pro tip: Don’t overprice. You’re trying to get rid of it—not retire on it.
What to Donate
Not worth selling but still in great shape? Give it new life.
Donate:
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Clothing in wearable condition (no holes, stains, or zombie smells)
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Toys with all their parts
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Housewares, books, games, small furniture
Where to donate:
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Local shelters, churches, and schools
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Habitat for Humanity ReStores
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Goodwill or Salvation Army (just check donation guidelines)
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Community centers or "Buy Nothing" groups on Facebook
Make sure it's clean, functional, and ready to bless someone else’s life—not give them work.
What to Toss
Some things just need to go. With love, with grace, but... go.
Toss:
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Broken items you swore you'd fix “someday” (someday is not a day of the week)
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Stained/torn clothing no one wants to touch
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Expired anything (makeup, pantry items, cleaning products)
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Mystery cords and chargers from gadgets that died three phones ago
- Spare parts and user manuals to well anything you no longer own
- Things you no longer have any use for—not even the world's most accomplished hoarder would want—is officially dumpster food
Remember: you’re home's not a landfill. Let it go.
Hot Tips to Keep You Sane Mid-Cleanout
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Set a timer: 30 minutes of power-cleaning is better than 4 hours of dread
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Play upbeat music: Cleaning to your favorite jam makes it more like a dance party than a chore
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Have a “maybe” box: Not ready to part with it? Give it 30 days. If you don’t use it, it’s out
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Reward yourself: You just uncluttered your life—get the latte, watch the show, soak in the tub
In Summary: Declutter for Sanity, Sell for Profit, Donate for Good
Your space affects your energy. A cluttered home = a cluttered mind. So whether you're Marie Kondo-ing your way to inner peace or just tired of tripping over piles of “I might need this,” it’s time for a fresh start.
You don’t have to do it all in a day. But you do have to start. Let go of what’s weighing you down. Keep what lifts you up. And turn the rest into cash, karma points or clean air.
Now go forth and purge, darling. One drawer at a time.
Coffee on. Chaos managed.
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